Article By Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, Guest Expert and author of the award-winning book It’s Not Always Depression. 

5 Minute Read 

Joy is one of the seven core emotions on the Change Triangle. Joy, like all core emotions, has a particular feeling in the body, although that feeling varies from person to person. Often I ask my patients to slow down so they scan their body for feelings of joy, even little "molecules" of joy otherwise obscured by the more attention-grabbing negative emotions. When we find joy inside, we notice sensations like warmth, energy, or peace. It feels amazing to stay with and savor the physical sensations of joy. But it does take practice!

Researcher Barbara Frederickson, Ph.D. studies positive emotions like joy. She developed the Broaden and Build theory. In short, her research suggests that promoting and sustaining joyful states is important nourishment for the brain.

The Broaden & Build theory...

Article By Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, Guest Expert and author of the award-winning book It’s Not Always Depression. 

3 Minute Read 

“Don’t get too big for your britches!” “You’re no better than anyone else!” “Don’t get a swelled head!”

Beginning as little children, we hear cultural messages that are meant to socialize and civilize us. We learn to keep our self-confidence in check in order to stay in the good graces of the people around us. Healthy shame makes sure we follow social rules such as not hurting others, not stealing, being honest, or not going to the bathroom in public. Shame is the emotion that ensures we fit in with the groups we need. But there is a personal cost to maintaining good social standing. Over time, the brain habitually keeps us small. We lose the option to feel big and proud. Plus, we are not even aware that we are inhibiting ourselves. We just feel small....

Article By Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, Guest Expert and author of the award-winning book It’s Not Always Depression. 

4 Minute Read 

Emotions are powerful forces that affect the mind, brain, and especially the body. They have power to cause great distress and symptoms like depression and chronic anxiety. Or, they can help us live more authentic and openhearted lives. Whether emotions help or hurt us depends on if we validate or bury them. To make sure burying emotions is not our only coping mechanism, we need education and tools to safely work with emotions. The Change Triangle is my favorite tool to help others and myself improve our emotional wellbeing.

Grounded in current science, the Change Triangle is a step-by-step guide to working with emotions. We can turn to the Change Triangle to manage upsetting moments and when looking to understand ourselves more deeply. We can turn to it to feel more calm, openhearted, and authentic. Working...

Article By Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, Guest Expert and author of the award-winning book It’s Not Always Depression. 

3 Minute Read 

Many years ago, just as I was to start psychoanalytic training, I stumbled on a new type of psychotherapy called Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy or AEDP. I was struck by this method because it taught therapists how to effectively--from the very first session--access and process blocked emotions, which are at the root of many psychological symptoms and cause suffering. I had a good understanding of the brain and body from my prior career, so it did not take me long to recognize that working with emotions and their inherent physical sensations and impulses made sound psychological and biological sense. I felt compelled to master this cutting-edge therapy. I was simultaneously in formal psychoanalytic training and learning about more cognitive methods, but the more I studied and practiced AEDP, the more...

Article By Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, Guest Expert and author of the award-winning book It’s Not Always Depression. 

 3 Minute Read

When I first met Sally who came to therapy for depression, I couldn't help notice how meek and small she seemed despite her tall stature. She claimed people walked all over her. And she was scared to say "No!" for fear others would get angry.

As Sally shared her stories, she wilted like a flower in need of water. When I asked if she had feelings about what she was sharing, she'd say, "This is just the way it is." I was struck by her passivity. As I listened to stories of friends and family who grossly took advantage of her kindness, I felt my blood boil. My anger got me curious about hers--where was it?

Anger is a core emotion, one of the seven pre-wired emotions all of us have from birth to death. The core emotion of anger is crucial for survival. Without it, we would not know when to protect and defend...

Article By Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, Guest Expert and author of the award-winning book It’s Not Always Depression. 

6 Minute Read 

Trauma was always a word I associated with a catastrophic event: a car accident, a war experience, child abuse, or being a victim of crime. So, it was an “aha” moment to learn that symptoms of trauma, like depression, could be caused by suppressed anger from repeated instances of emotional disregard. Childhood emotional neglect comes in many forms and is more common than one would hope.

Below are a few examples:

• Rachel, 8 years old, was scared to go to school. Her father repeatedly told her there was nothing to be afraid of and that she shouldn’t be a “scaredy-cat.” Dad didn’t ask what she feared or spend any time trying to understand Rachel’s fear from her point of view.

• Johnny told his mother he hated his little brother and was sorry he was born. The...

Article By Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, Guest Expert and author of the award-winning book It’s Not Always Depression. 

5 Minute Read 

“Friggin jerk!” Cecily screamed. Even though her two young sons were in the car, she raged on, “What are you, a moron?! Where did you learn to drive?! I hope you rot!!”

Cecily wanted help controlling her reactions. She knew instinctively her temper was damaging to her children and contributed to her high blood pressure. When Cecily described her road rage to me, she described herself as being angry with the man in the Blue Volvo. “Of course you were,” I validated, “After all, the driver scared you to death.” But then, I explained to Cecily how she acted out that anger by yelling.

Cecily grew up in a family with lots of shouting and sometimes some hitting. Cecily naturally thought yelling and hitting WAS anger. I clarified for Cecily, “From...

Article By Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, Guest Expert and author of the award-winning book It’s Not Always Depression. 

5 Minute Read 

Fear is one of the seven core emotions on the Change Triangle, the practical tool I use to teach emotion education. The biological and evolutionary purpose of core emotions, like fear, is to help us survive. Fear, in particular, makes us flee from danger.

Anxiety is really a form of internal and emotional inhibition. The amount of inhibition we have, in general, correlates with our early experiences with emotions and how they were responded to by our caregivers. For example, if a baby girl "learns" by experience that her sadness leads her mother to withdraw or get impatient, the baby will learn to suppress her sadness. She will feel anxiety instead. In another example, if a child tells his dad that they are afraid and then gets ridiculed for being weak, fear will be inhibited to make sure dad thinks they are...

Article By Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, Guest Expert and author of the award-winning book It’s Not Always Depression. 

3 Minute Read 

Recently, I was at my dentist’s office when I heard the assistant, I’ll call her Emily, talking with the office receptionist. Emily had asked her boyfriend to buy her an anxiety cube. My ears perked up when I heard the word “anxiety” so I asked her if she suffered with a lot of anxiety. She smiled sheepishly nodding yes. I told her I was a psychotherapist who teaches people how to ease anxiety and asked if she wanted me to share a bit of education that might help. She and the office receptionist both nodded yes.

Anxiety is a Signal

Article By Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, Guest Expert and author of the award-winning book It’s Not Always Depression. 

2 Minute Read 

When I feel sad, I feel heavy. When I feel ashamed, I want to disappear. When I am excited, my body is filled with energy. I was curious why this had never occurred to me. Or maybe it had and I just didn't know what to do with it.

Now, after some training and practice, I am aware that my brain and my body communicate in two different languages: 1) the language of thoughts that speaks with words; and 2) the language of emotional experience that communicates through physical sensations. 

I used to only pay attention to the language of thoughts. I assumed my thoughts controlled my emotions and my behaviors. Now I know this was false. If anything, emotions influence thoughts and behavior.

My body actually tells me my truth. It...